How To Fail An EVE Training Fleet

Last night I saw an announcement on our Signal Cartel Discord: one Jec Charante, famous Vulfpeck person and friend of SC, was going to be leading a training session this morning.

Sounds like fun, I said to myself. If I wake up in time, I'll go fly with them. And so I did.

Unfortunately, I'm incredibly bad at EVE. So this is how it went.

Had plenty of time to get set up for fleet, but spent it doing other things. When I went to jump clone to Zoohen to fleet up, I found that my Linux box needed to be carefully taken down and rebooted. So…yeah.

By the time I actually get to Zoohen, I'm already five minutes late. Ugh. I contact Jec, who gives me a fleet invite. "Do you have a Vexor Navy Issue?" "Why yes, yes I do."

Fleet comms is Teamspeak, which I'd forgotten about. So I fire up my Teamspeak, which turns out to be literally two plus years old and will no longer work. It actually tries to connect to Sev3rance from back when I was in Blue Tridents, which corp hasn't been active since sometime in 2015. So now I'm looking at minimum of 15 minutes to get a new version of Teamspeak installed and get connected. Everyone leaves without me at my encouragement, but I am contracted bookmarks for the the fleet destinations.

By the time I've sorted Teamspeak, the fleet is headed for their second wormhole, so I join them. I jump on through, and we warp into the first combat anomaly. I go to enter the rep chain for our spider tank — and realize I've brought a VNI without any reppers. It is some old SC Sleeper Eradication Division fit and not a Vulfpeck fit at all. How nice. I manage to warp out before the Sleepers lock me, anyhow. I head back to Zoohen to pick up some reppers — and realize that I forgot to bookmark the wormhole exit. What am I, first week in game? I sit there a while, being too embarrassed to even ask for a warp to exit, but when I finally do I am reminded that the bookmarks I was contracted earlier already have it.

I fly back to Zoohen with my tail between my legs and look around aimlessly for some armor reppers. When I don't find any, I just give up. Jec could contract me a loaner VNI as originally offered, but she's busy actually running her training fleet, with three pilots cheerfully learning the way of Sleeper destruction. So I call it and tell them to have fun without me.

I continue to listen on comms as I do other work. The other pilots take turns FC-ing. Eventually the fleet gets jumped by Wingspan, and Jec's ship doesn't make it. Everybody else heads back.

Things I knew but didn't do anyway:

  • Be on time for fleet. Ahead of time, by at least 15 minutes.

  • Make sure your tech is set up the day before. If it isn't, don't go.

  • Check your fit carefully. It matters.

  • Bookmark wormhole entrances and exits yourself.

  • Fly regularly. If you haven't been flying for several weeks, you probably aren't ready to fly with others.

  • Play some easier game. EVE is hard.

This is how I literally failed a training fleet.